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Shards of Magenta

Waking up in this unknown, the unfamiliar, I’m washed with a strange feeling that I’m used to this space, a distasteful Déjà vu. I remember this moon, a similar twilight, but why cover only half of the sky? The shadows of willows are cast towards the moon, not away- how? These deep reds and purples, this ravishing Magenta with pointy ends- I remember them only in parts, but then why do they fill me up so vividly, although blurring my memories, clouding my judgement. I feel lost, or am I just confused?

Nothing is in its place- the moon in half its glory yet the other half shrouded in daylight, willows throwing shadows that seam the cracked sky above, the stag that’s me in this vegetation that I do not recognise; in this unnatural dystopia. The dripping discomfort, the growing heaviness in my breath and the anxiety tickling in my hooves when reality does not fit in, make me want to run away.

Is it my fear of accepting an alternate truth, finding virgin wild spaces like these and not knowing the rules of this game? I was comfortable where I was before, and maybe it’s the fear of loosing my ego to start something new, to grow a new limb to explore this world. Perhaps that’s why I know this feeling from before, this Déjà vu of an unsuspecting new world and the timidity I find myself in, or dare I say, the excitement? I have been here before, in this mental space; learning to walk, to speak, to make friends, to fall in love and to heal, and this is just another one.

In a sudden whiz of wind, the tall grass fell into a prance which is when I felt a pull from the hooves below. Tiny speckles of Magenta from them unfurled on the ground, spreading like roots carrying fear, ego, annihilation and rebirth. And that is when I realised that this is the call to trim my ego with these shards of Magenta, to grow in the new world. Something old, something cut-open, something new and something Magenta.

Original watercolour painting on 22″ x 15″ 100%rag cotton handmade paper from Khadi Papers. All rights reserved.

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